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I really like Jelly Beans.
No, really, I do. How could you not? Virtually no-fat, sugary goodness, flavoured as you want ‘em. Or don’t. I was over at my friends, Brian and Brenda’s house the other day (okay, about 6 months ago), and they had this little bowl of jelly bellies on the counter.
I ate one. It tasted like crap.
Surreptitiously, I spit it out.
Then ate another. It tasted like crap.
I looked at Brian, who was looking around innocently and NOT looking at me. I figured it out. Brian had, WITHOUT WARNING, served BERTIE BOTT’S EVERY FLAVOR BEANS (apparently the mis-spelling of “flavour” is intentional; even though “flavor” is not the English spelling).
Back to Bertie Botts. Brian actually only served the gross kind of Every Flavor Beans; i.e. the earthworm, vomit, and bacon flavours, so it’s not like we got a true sampling. What I know for sure is that there was no butterbeer to wash the whole lot of crap down with.
I’m just sayin’.
Can I tell you a bit about running jelly beans, though?
Who likes gels? Raise your hand. I certainly don’t. A gel is basically a hork-like glob of carbohydrates that you’re supposed to gulp back mid-run while you’re in the middle of a marathon. Or half marathon as the case may be.
Did I mention a gel has the texture of a hork?
My dear friend Karen, who has been training with me, says, “if I have to swallow [a gel] during the race, I will puke.” The rest of us simply deal with the texture and try to bring our influence to bear on the taste. For example, Jim’s preferred strawberry-banana sends me right over the edge, but cappuccino is totally fine. Who knows what kind of goo you can deal with?
Enter Sport Beans. They taste OK. Well, okay only the green (I think it’s lemon-lime) flavour is palatable to me, but who knows? Maybe you like the orange or blue?
The big issue is the texture. What you don’t get is a big glob of hork-like glue in your mouth while you’re running and gasping for air. What you do get is a mouthful of Jelly Beans, which promptly stick to your teeth.
You choose. I’m ok with both, but recommend the beans to rookies. At least you can keep yourselves amused while you pick your teeth and run. Gagging on hork is not so amusing.
P.S. Did I mention the green flavour is the only palatable one?